Sunday Scribblings: Happy Endings

For the first time in weeks, I wake with my stomach in knots.
A bit of dry heaves. Not much. Not as bad as before.
Because before, the anxiety riddled my body, down the to bones, down to the soul.
This morning, it is a healthy fear of the unknown.
An ending.
A happy ending.
A new beginning.
A new world to explore, out of the comfort of what I’ve built around me these past 11 years.
And while this is a momentous (and happy) occasion, there in the pit of my stomach, swirls the familiar. The angst. The yearning for the people I leave behind for this new life.
But I must go alone.
And there is fear in that. Not all-consuming, but trepidation nonetheless.
I have been blessed. Truly blessed. I am 45 years old and I’m starting to get it. Starting to feel the wisdom of age, but use it as fearlessly as a child who boldly jumps feet-first into a murky pond on a hot summer’s day.
There is a time to cast aside the angst and fling yourself into the unknown and know that you will land – unscathed – on your feet and just goddamn stick that landing.
This is the end of my life in California and it is a joyous occasion.
This is the beginning of a new life that takes me to the Midwest.
And the unknown.
I don’t have to tell myself I’ll be happy.
I just have to live, experience, and be open always to what we are given that will teach he next lesion.
And be happy with the endings.
And the beginnings.

(And with this ending begins an odyssey in the truck with the girls, some snacks, a fully-charged iPod and sketchy Internet connections. I’ll do what I can to post from the road)


Anonymous said...

I have felt the fear of leaving behind what is comfortable and "safe". Now I welcome it. Having survived one major life change has made the recent one a bit easier - I know I will swim rather than sink. You made a life change when you went to California and the RS 11 years ago so you also know how to swim.

Have a safe journey Thom and enjoy it.

Mistress of the Mix said...

Me miss you long time.

Καλό ταξίδι, my friend.

Anonymous said...

In the words of Liz Phair (sort of), "Go east, young man!"

We're with you on the journey...

- Snarky Pants

Anonymous said...

Well say there pardner.... We left this Sunday a.m., too!
Got the place rented, got the truck packed, got the trailer packed and we are on our way!
You should have heard me when we crossed the Nevada border... yee-haa! I am so-o-o-o looking forward to the adventure.
Spending the night in Elko on I-80. We head for Salt Lake tomorrow and stop for the big climb into Evanston in the cool of the morning.
If you pass the "Nor For Hire" truck, that's us, give us a wave!

danni said...

"There is a time to cast aside the angst and fling yourself into the unknown and know that you will land – unscathed – on your feet and just goddamn stick that landing." --- love this attitude - go for it and enjoy!!!

Beth said...

At age 49 and change, I left a life in the South and moved to California because I didn't ever want to wonder "what if." Best move I ever made. Happier than I'd ever dreamt I could be. May you find it so!

Granny Smith said...

I just attended the graduation of a grandson who will be leaving next week for an ESL teaching position in Japan. He must be feeling a bit the same.

Forgetfulone said...

I read on 3WW that you wanted feedback on your SS, so I scrolled on down, and you really have my interest! I've enjoyed all 3 posts that I've read. Your writing has raw emotion. Please, keep writing! I'm bookmarking you.