It’s Just My Hue
So people ask me, they say, “Andy, what did you do it? What’s the point?”
I mean, I wish I could tell you I did it for some worthy cause. Maybe pancreatic cancer awareness, or to protest the kidnap and rape of little girls in Nigeria.
Truth is, I chose to go Black-and-White for strictly selfish reasons: I no longer have to match my socks to my shoes, or my ties with my dress shirts.
Think about it – no more worry, no more fuss. You just get up, pull together and outfit and everything – I mean everything – matches.
My boyfriend is still pretty miffed about it. I mean, he does fashion merchandising for a reputable mid-town department store, but he’s just going to have to get over it. And I keep telling him, I keep saying, “Nic, this is your big chance. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has merchandised to the Black-and-White before. It’s all new territory, babe.”
* * *
OK, technically I’m not Black-and-White. If you must know, I went Monochrome. I am, to quote the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “a painting, drawing, or photograph in a single hue.”
Except that, yeah, I’m a human being. In shades of gray.
* * *
People also ask me, they say, “Andy, what do you do about the stares you get on the subway? What about work?”
Good questions, really. At first, it didn’t bother me at all. The finger-pointing, the looks, the whispers. I took it all in stride. But yeah, it got to be like, whatever, people. I just popped in my ear buds and turned up the music. Slid on my shades.
Work, well, same thing, really. A slow burn I guess you’d call it.
I mean, technically there’s a no-discrimination policy at the firm, but the partners did their best to pressure me back into Colorization. I stood firm. I did. Told them I appreciated their concern when they brought up that a client might not want to be seen by a Monochrome, but I was quick to point out that it was a personal choice (albeit for my own personal vanity) and it was my choice. Please respect my wishes.
* * *
The day I got my paycheck and it was light – and I mean light by a few hundred bucks – was the day I knew my choice to be Monochrome meant more than not having to match my socks to my shoes. That it was so much more than that.
I went to payroll and asked what the heck was wrong and they said that there had been so much uproar with the clients for my being Monochrome that it was decided to dock my pay by using some sort of bullshit moral turpitude clause in the employee handbook. OK, I said, no worries, I get it. I get that fact that a Monochromatic man can’t make the same as Coloreds.
* * *
So, yeah, with the help of Derrek in legal, we’re going to test the firm’s new-found bullshit policy on the Monochromatic.
So much for my narcissism, bitches.