A journey continues...

Surface Tension was born out a frustration I needed to verbalize over the death of my mother. She died in November 2005 of colon cancer – although the real culprit was an overzealous regimen of chemotherapy. She died without speaking to any of us, a tube snaked down her throat.
Doesn’t me we didn’t communicate. We got to say our goodbyes, which frankly, came way too quickly.

And Surface Tension became a place where I less wrote about my personal life and more about trying to figure out if I had the chops to make it as a writer (cap W) and not just a journalist (still a wonderful, fulfilling career).

Last week, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It’s treatable, just not curable.
And has the control to make decisions on how his life with end.
Without getting into too much detail – I don’t feel like it’s my purview to “spill my guts” here – he did say if he had to live in pain the rest of his days, he’d rather not. And as he slipped a pain pill between his lips, I told him that it was his choice, it was the end to his life and he was in control of it. That course will be partially decided when he visits his oncology team.
Moving forward, we’ll be able to spend time – there’s at least one fishing trip scheduled – and we’re talking about taking the Chrysler on a road trip to his hometown in Massachusetts.

People ask how I’m doing. Having gone through this before, I tell them that I’m OK. That it’s not about me. That I will have my dad for a time, where I didn’t get that with mom.
But I’ll be keeping those feelings off The Tension. He’s a private man and I need to respect that. This will color my evolution, there is no doubt.
And The Tension will remain my journey.

11 comments:

Hal Johnson said...

That's damned sad news about your Dad, Thom. Here's wishing that he's able to wring every bit of life out of time he has left, be it a year or ten years.

Teri said...

I know you will make the most of your time together. Life's experiences have taught you that, with the loss of your mother.

The road trip in the Chrysler sounds fun, a bit of Hunter Thompson comes to my mind...

Take pleasure in your life together...

Teri and the cats of Furrydance

Faith said...

Thinking of you.

susan said...

Damn Thom!

I can relate but it's not the same. Cancer has been running through my family like wildfire and I'm not exaggerating. Though I still have both parents.

I know more than I want to about cancer, loss and death.

Nothing to say except I respect your decision to respect that your dad is a private person.

Shadow said...

oh that's hard. but your thinking is right, so let me wish you a lot of strength.

gautami tripathy said...

Hold on, ThomG. I know it is hard. When my dad passed away, I took a while to collect myself. We were not prepared for it. He was gone in a jiffy. Now I live with my mom and I cherish each moment I have with her. She is a fiesty woman and I love that about her.

alister said...

You’re made up of some Grade-A stuff, Thom. The parental gifts you’re a product of will never end, and the colors of them will never stop enhancing yours.

Daily Panic said...

*hug*

Tumblewords: said...

Life expects so much of us. Not an easy road. Thinking of you and him.

quin browne said...

any time you need me, i'll be there, my friend.

watermaid said...

This is a tough one. I respect your desire to do things in your own way.