Easy rider

At this rate, I’m going to end up lonely – and alone.
And fat.

Over the course of three days, I’ve turned down four invites to go ride and/or take a spin course (which is still a ride – but you don’t go anywhere).
OK, a couple of them, I was busy with other things. But twice, I turned down invites because I am unsure of my mountain bike aerobic/technical level.

I am a big weinus (according to the Urban Dictionary, a “highly irritable soft white domestic male”).

So I continue to ride by myself, where I am comfortable, but where I probably do not push myself to where my ability actually lies.
(Besides, I tend to fall an awful lot, and I can take the jokes and the scabs, but chrissakes it gets old.)

I don’t fear getting dropped. I mean, hey, we all have to ride at our own levels, and if I’m sucking ass you might as well ride on and not feel guilty about it, as I’ll get there eventually (probably covered in a few cuts and abrasions).

What I fear is disappointing other riders. It is no fun to be a weak link in anything. And the invites come from great people who I think would be inclined to sacrifice their rides to babysit me.

And so I am conflicted. I want to ride. I want to get better. I want to be part of the group, play in all the reindeer games.
But I don’t want to bring anybody down.