Something you need to know about me

I don't honestly remember what birthday it was - I was past the fifth grade, I know that, since I had escaped Catholic school and was a public school kid - but if I had to guess, it was sixth grade. Whatever age that is.
The school was downtown, somewhat of a distance from our house on the eastern edge of town. But I was getting a bike for my birthday, and not just any bike: A Schwinn Stingray, orange. Banana seat.
I knew it was coming. I was unrelenting. I pestered, prodded. My parents said I could ride it to school on my birthday.
(Which just happens to be the first day of spring.)
I wake up to a spring blizzard.
School is canceled. Snow day.
I spent a good portion of the morning being pissed that I couldn't ride my bike to school.
Instead of focusing on the fact that I was GIVEN A SNOW DAY ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm am a wanker.

Dwelling on the negatives has been with me for a very long time. Age has tempered that - a lot - but that's where the (angst?) torment comes from. It's MANUFACTURED and then lubed for my protection.
The positives of my life, as I stand here in the now, stretch a fair piece.
Knowing that and living that, are two separate things.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

John Hartford said it best:

"Age weakens good intentions and saws where no one can see. Now ain't that a teeter totter? Grab this full grown lioness by the tail if you be man enough to tame such wilderness and see who she is to tell you who you ain't."

maintain radio contact. . .

one more believer said...

wanker.. love it.. hadn't heard that in ages... amen, knowledge isn' everything... it's the day to day moment by moment choose this day how you will love sorta thing.. thaz my 5 cents.. it is w/wonder to watch a man unfold outside of himself..

Truth in the Trees said...

After being raised by someone who can point out the negative in anything, I commiserate with you on the difficulty of focusing on the positive in anything. However, if you can make yourself do it and keep doing it, like everything, it gets easier. In fact, when you can practice seeing and focusing on the positive for an extended piece of time, your whole life seems more positive - at least on most days. I'm the proof, T. It IS possible. I hope that for you, too.

peachesandplums said...

i think you answered your own question with the first sentence. CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

Quin Browne said...

you've got to anticipate the positive

eliminate the negative

latch on the affirmative

and don't mess with mr. inbetween.


gosh, i always hated that song when we sang it in sr. paul marie's class!