I've heard this knocking before

With a telephone call, I have set into motion an opportunity that has the ability to take me several places: out of the area, out of my comfort level, out of my doldrums.
The opportunity does come with a price, and that would be leaving what I have come to know for the past 11 years; friendships, a sense of community and a pride in one’s work that makes a difference.
And that continues to be bittersweet.
Because I believe I have found my voice in Northern California and would love nothing more than to explore it further. Alas, that might not get to happen. Nothing lasts forever I guess, but sometimes the known – the favorite flannel shirt – gets so comfortable that one tends to forget that opportunity is growth and an advanced degree in life.
I still have those feelings. Like the petulant child; “I was here first and why can’t everyone just clear out of my goddamn way and let me do my thing?”
And I have to remember that I’m not dealing with people who care for things in the same way that I care for things; that their sense in “right” and “wrong” and “what to do” does not mesh with my own thoughts and feelings on the matter and that neither side is right or is wrong.
It just is; a situation – a stalemate – where personal and professional happiness does not walk arm-in-arm like new lovers.
The desire to be wanted – courted – in the professional arena is rather heady. And I look forward to exploring this opportunity – and a couple of others – to do what is right for me as a professional, but as a person.
I will let my heart and my gut lead the way. I will seek out guidance from those I trust.
But I still can’t help to look back and wonder:
About one company that doesn’t fully realize what they will lose when I walk out the door for the very last time.
And about the one company that knows exactly what they would get the instant I walked through their doors – but can’t quite make that same leap of faith I am prepared to make.
And so forward motion takes me elsewhere.
And it is scary.
And it feels good.

8 comments:

Jason said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something will work out for you... as much as I'll miss you here in Redding if you leave, I've got to support your continued growth, brother. All I can say is that you'd better come back and visit!

J.C. Montgomery said...

I do not know you very well, but I have gotten a glimpse at that person who sits there in front of a glowing screen and writes so well of things you know and feel and make up from time to time. I cannot say one way or the other what you should do or how you should do it...only that whatever you chose, I will follow you there in spirit always wishing for you nothing but the best.

Uncle E said...

Thom, I hardly knew ye, but I wish you the very best!

Lou said...

This whole world's gone insane, think I'll sleep forever, why get up?

If this don't beat all. First the grisly spectre of The Hurl surfaces, electronically at least, and then I find out ThomG may be off to greener pastures.

Inquiring beefaloes want to know more. I await additional dispatches and add my best wishes. Vaya con Dios, mi hermano.

Katy C said...

Thom,

As you said, nothing lasts forever. Make the decision that is right for you and will allow you to continue growing. The RS readers will no doubt miss you. You have touched many lives with your journalism and you deserve to be happy and appreciated. A lot of people have moved on to new, exciting and scary times - now it's your turn. You are a wonderful person and a gifted writer. Keep it up.

Chris N said...

Wherever you go... there you are! Keep the eyes forward and know you will always find the best. I have.
You definitely have the talent to go and be whatever you want, just have the faith in yourself that you can do it. Stay in touch. We still have a duck hunt to do!

ThomG said...

Thank you, everyone for the kind words and the positive vibes.

fuzzballdaddy said...

Our virtual lives are not dependent upon the coordinates our bodies occupy, within the space/time continuum. I look forward to seeing you right here until long after the hologram disintegrates.