Evil is actually spelled N-E-O

It’s like he knows I dissed him here on Surface Tension.
Neo, my fat-assed black Manx cat (black as in dark and nasty), has been a one-feline wrecking crew since Sunday. Malevolent beyond words.
Sunday night, after I went to bed, he started this weird howling.
Then the crash.
I kicked off the covers to discover that he’d knocked over the shepherd, part of my Willow Tree Nativity set. The set my dead mother had been giving us for Christmas for a few years (which my dad completed this year).
Neo broke the shepherd’s hand, the hand that was holding his staff.
(This poor shepherd has had a rough Christmas this year; Indy, our lithe, bulimic cat - Neo hogs the food, so she ends up binging and purging - puked up on him last week.)
A little Super Glue, and the shepherd has taken his rightful place on the Creche.
Last night, I was reading Christmas card letters on the couch. Neo, in what I thought was a show of affection - a real bygones-be-bygones moment - climbed up on my chest, laid down…
and bit me in the nose.
Jesus, I gotta tell you that stings like a mofo.
Later, after a monster walk with Trinity, I decided to curl up in a hot bath and read Outside magazine. I dropped my drawstring Pjs on the floor and hopped in.
Neo came in, sat on the bath mat, and stared at me over the lip of the tub. All I could see was the little fucker’s black ears – and his evil yellow eyes (try this – go to your fence and peer over at the neighbors, just so they can see your eyes, and see how long it takes before they’re completely creeped out).
I splashed a little water at him and he walked past my Pjs.
Where he took the strings in his mouth and started walking out the door.
“Hey!” I yelled.
And he broke into a run.
Later, after I toweled off, I found Neo curled up on my Pjs – under the kitchen table. That’s at least 30 feet from the bathroom.
He probably monkey bumped all over them.
I put on a pair of sweats and put the Pjs in the washer.
And gave him a few treats, just to try and keep the peace.

6 comments:

TheRobRogers said...

Your cat is clearly insane.

RachelRenae said...

Don't reward bad behavior!!

Thom G. said...

I'd give him my wallet, if he just would chill out.

Jason said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason said...

Woops! [accidental delete above]
Who new the evil one could surf the Web!!!... WTF??? Must be tough to type and navigate with those furry little paws. What a freak! I'm thinking you'd better not leave the laptop out anymore.

Stevo said...

I know someone that can take care of Neo for $10. No questions asked.