Wednesday's Three Word Wednesday

The words over at Three Word Wednesday are opportunity, quarrel and service.

The Oldest Profession 2.0
Parents, man – it’s not like I wanted to be living in the basement of their split ranch, sleeping on a twin bed on sheets with cowboys on them.
I had plans, man. Dreams. Opportunity was knocking.
(They didn’t see it, especially when my schedule included several hours of Warcraft, followed by a power-nap or two.)
It wasn’t an intervention. Not exactly.
“Get a job,” they said in tandem, arms folded in angry, mock solidarity on the loveseat with the plastic slipcover.
So I got a job. A purveyor of novelties.
I sold shit, door-to-door, out of a case with a face. And fur.
I started in my neighborhood first. But you know how tough that is, in this economy? Nobody’s home during the day. And nobody wants to be bothered with a sales pitch at night, not over their delivered eggrolls and broccoli beef and American Idol.
I moved my operation to the ‘burbs. The big neocolonials, the neoeclectics, the Mcmansions with all those the lonely, stay-at-home Mcwives. Paydirt.
Mrs. Robinski was my first customer. And remains one of my best. What a woman, well-connected and willing to share her new toy. Kinky, though. Pilates flexible.
By word of mouth, I came to service the whole tri-state area.
And realized I was going to die – with a smile on my face, yeah – without some help.
And that’s how I ended up setting up franchises. Strictly a cash operation. Cash cow, man.
You know how many young adults are living in basements, their old rooms that their parents tried to turn into a sewing room or a workout room?
We even have a ladies division, strictly office temps, and that looks to be a growth market.
I still service my regulars, but with all those franchise fees coming in, I’m pretty particular on new referrals. Mostly, I think up new concepts in the trade – I’m toying with a same-sex division – and find legitimate investments for all that cash.
I bought a five bedroom in a gated community, moved my parents in and hooked myself up in the guesthouse by the pool.
Dad asked about the money, worried that it was drugs, so I told him. Squealed like a pig. And pressed into his palm the keys to a new Cadillac XLR-V.
He didn’t quarrel.

18 comments:

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Hi Thom, Fantasy Island, springs to mind, I love the way you think 'em up!
-Andy

anthonynorth said...

It's not just your stories I like, it's the incidentals, the way you fill them with great images.

maglomaniac said...

I agree wid anthony.
It almost seems as if goin thru a frame by frame storyboard.

~Harsha

gautami tripathy said...

Love that title. The ending is perfect.

raise the bar

Truth in the Trees said...

Love this, T. Glad I had the minute to spare for it. Your stories get better every time I stop by. -K

Hal Johnson said...

I wonder if it would ever become a "just a job" thing?

Nah.

Life without Clots said...

I am learning. Folks like you provide me inspiration.
One thing: Did you have any trouble printing the brochure? Or did you go straight to DVD with your service, er, product line?

Tumblewords: said...

I love this one - it's so timely - principles drop, means for the end...And as always, your imagery and character are spot on!

blisshappens said...

loved it! wish my doorbell would ring! - Meg

Amy said...

I think its great that you never verbalize what the job really is. But we all get it. Such is the power of words ( and the power of a good writer :)

Lisa Drafall said...

Yes! Completely entertaining and left me wanting more! This character had a strong voice and a wildly creative tale.

Lucy said...

Oh thom! you are a riot! I never know what to expect! Having a son who is going through a "i don't know what career path to choose" crisis... I am going to make sure I don't accidentally keep your post up on the computer tonight!!
I am already looking forward to your next weeks post!
(btw..thanks for your encouragement and kind words earlier!)

Jeeves said...

Nice one.

Jeeves said...

Nice one.

Witchmojo said...

Oh that made me laugh. The funniest thing is that you just know, somewhere out there, someone is doing exactly that. Excellent piece.

Angel said...

LOL, that was great. Wonder if dad thinks it's better or worse than drugs?

susan said...

Wicked, Thom. Like what you do.

By the way, "Continued" is a link. I didn't leave you hanging this week. I took the opportunity to finish the story. :-)

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Very funny. Devilishly so. As some of the others have mentioned, you have a way with the details that bring it all to life.