Ebb and flow
I’m supposed to have the skills now to conquer all that befalls me. The dexterity to maneuver through the dark times so that they don’t become so inky black, I get lost.
But shit rolls downhill, and I find myself on the bottom of a massive pile of shit.
The train wreck I feared happened. I intervened, because it was asked of me. The situation is fucked up, plain and simple.
And while I feel somewhat responsible (but not all that much), I did what I said I could do and no more. That others in this equation need to seek help if they were ever going to have a chance at a normal, healthy life.
And that’s all I am going to say about that.
I still have cause for concern over Trin’s eye. She woke up with yellow discharge Monday. The next vet appointment – and vet bill I can ill afford – is Tuesday.
First Sister dislocated her shoulder. Badly. I hate feeling helpless, when friends and loved ones are hurting. All I can do is sit 1,800 miles away and comfort her over the phone.
I also have a person mad at me, even if she's angry for no reason that I can fathom. But this isn’t really my problem. I remain a true friend, for whenever she needs me.
Lastly, well, it is a money issue and it came up and I have no explanation. Other than I don’t know. And I don't have it. And that’s all I’m saying about that, too.
At least I slept Sunday. Finally.
Then stayed up very late with someone who needed me.
And with this new ebb and flow of situations (and the emotions the invoke), I find that I have the comfort of friends who truly care for, and about, my well being. Even if I’m being a prick-bastard. Moody and sulky.
Life isn’t gumdrops and puppy dogs, this I know.
But I also know that my cycling through times like this – without being in the proper mood or have the proper desire to combat old habits – leads to more shit.
I want to avoid the suck.
So I channel the emotions - I feel them - and refuse to bury or ignore them. So they don't well up on me.
And I can better cope with the things I need to do, I want to do - and those things I refuse to do.
But shit rolls downhill, and I find myself on the bottom of a massive pile of shit.
The train wreck I feared happened. I intervened, because it was asked of me. The situation is fucked up, plain and simple.
And while I feel somewhat responsible (but not all that much), I did what I said I could do and no more. That others in this equation need to seek help if they were ever going to have a chance at a normal, healthy life.
And that’s all I am going to say about that.
I still have cause for concern over Trin’s eye. She woke up with yellow discharge Monday. The next vet appointment – and vet bill I can ill afford – is Tuesday.
First Sister dislocated her shoulder. Badly. I hate feeling helpless, when friends and loved ones are hurting. All I can do is sit 1,800 miles away and comfort her over the phone.
I also have a person mad at me, even if she's angry for no reason that I can fathom. But this isn’t really my problem. I remain a true friend, for whenever she needs me.
Lastly, well, it is a money issue and it came up and I have no explanation. Other than I don’t know. And I don't have it. And that’s all I’m saying about that, too.
At least I slept Sunday. Finally.
Then stayed up very late with someone who needed me.
And with this new ebb and flow of situations (and the emotions the invoke), I find that I have the comfort of friends who truly care for, and about, my well being. Even if I’m being a prick-bastard. Moody and sulky.
Life isn’t gumdrops and puppy dogs, this I know.
But I also know that my cycling through times like this – without being in the proper mood or have the proper desire to combat old habits – leads to more shit.
I want to avoid the suck.
So I channel the emotions - I feel them - and refuse to bury or ignore them. So they don't well up on me.
And I can better cope with the things I need to do, I want to do - and those things I refuse to do.
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