True tales of animal sex

I saw coyotes. Fucking.
Notice I didn’t say, “I saw some fucking coyotes.”
We actually saw them in the act.
Well, sorta.
My mates and I were hiking in Upper Bidwell Park (the ninth-largest municipal park in the United States; it is bigger than New York’s Central Park) when David saw the coyote across a draw.
“He doesn’t see us,” he said. “With the wind, he can’t smell us either.”
We watched for several minutes, but as we watched, something just seemed out of place. The coyote kept looking at us, it knew we were there. But it didn’t budge.
We moved on along the trail – and stopped.
“Hey, that’s two coyotes,” I said.
What’s more, they were standing butt-to-butt. Just looking at us.
“Holy shit, they’re stuck,” Tom said.
And that’s when they really saw us.
And started running in opposite directions, literally digging their paws into the lava-rock-strewn hillside.
Attached – wait for it….by the PENIS – together.
I fully expected an animated balloon to show up above the couple, with some like PING! or BOING! in it.
Finally, the pair separated – and took off in two different directions.
It left us to ponder – and grab out own doodles (and come up with appropriate double-sided dildo jokes almost immediately).
“Dude, that fucking had to hurt,” Jason said.
“Him or her?” David said.
“Both,” I said. “Ouch. Ouch, ouch ouch.”
Tom was writing a short travel piece for his newspaper on our hike (before the debauchery started at the bar started with football, wings and beer).
“How, exactly, are you going to add that to you piece?” I asked.
He was stumped.
We all were.
“I could live to be 100 and never see that again,” Tom said.
True, true.
It was most amazing – and witnessed by five people. It happened – and we saw it.
And we laughed. We’re still laughing today.
“Coyotes gets stuck fucking. You do not. You are better than the coyote.”

7 comments:

TheRobRogers said...

Props for tying in a Ronnie Johns refernece.

Jason said...

That was one of the most amazing an comical things I have ever seen... "BRING ME BACK MY DICK!"

RachelRenae said...

I have a million things to say but I really don't think I should say any of them.

RachelRenae said...

I have a million things to say but I really don't think I should say any of them.

Michael said...

Nice to know I'm better off than the coyote.

Anonymous said...

Lol thats cause the male coyote knotted, its when the base of his dick swells up to a ball and locks the female to him as he ejaculates. Males just fuck n stuck ;D

Sung said...

I wouldn't say that not getting stuck makes you better than the coyote.

That trait in canids (not just coyotes) makes it more likely that someone's genes get passed on.

Think on this... human males often have embarrassing loss of erection at inconvenient moments, and human females, more often than you'd think, will decide, in the middle of sex, that the male is so crappy at it that they'd be better off reading a magazine and wander off.

A male coyote will never lose his erection during the sex act. Each time two coyotes have sex, it will result in _desired_ offspring.

A male and female coyote can stay tied for lengths of time that only happen in porn for humans. Also, they both appear to get multiple orgasms.

If you reduce a human population by one half, it can take hundreds of years to return to it's initial level.

If you reduce a coyote population by seventy percent in one year, the population will be back to normal, or as much as 10% higher within one year.

Someday, when there's nothing left of humans but crumbling skeletons clutching microwave ovens that no longer work, coyotes will still be having lengthy sex.

The cockroaches will still be around, but hey - nothing's perfect.

-- Coyote