Anxious days

Today’s word is anxiety.
Anxiety is:
  • “a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension or impending danger - even when no real threat exists. The feeling may be accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, palpitations, difficulty breathing, and sweating.”
  • “an uncomfortable emotional state in which one perceives danger, feels powerless and experiences tension in preparation for an expected danger. Physical symptoms include increased heart rate, irregular breathing, trembling, and sweating.”
  • “A feeling of apprehension, fear, nervousness, or dread accompanied by restlessness or tension.”
  • “When the word anxiety is used to discuss a group of mental illnesses (anxiety disorders), it refers to an unpleasant and overriding inner emotional tension that has not apparent identifiable cause. These disorders are severe enough to interfere with social or occupational functioning.”
Anxiety is the state of being truly fucked up.
I am so anxious, I rattle.
I know what to do, I just can’t do it.
Feel the feelings that are coming my way.
Coming from the breakup of my marriage and the infidelity of my wife (who shows absolutely no remorse).
Under the anxiety is a sea of numb.
I feel like I’m just going through the motions.
I need to talk to someone, my therapist, and begin to page through all the hurt and confusion. I need to get out of my head.
Because my head keeps trying to logically explain what’s happening.
It tried to solve the problem.
Where no problem exists.
Lord help me.
And pass the Xanax.


Steve said...

All this talk about anxiety makes me have to go to the bathroom.

Hang in there T! Things will get better but it will take time. I know you'll get through this.

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it" - Lou Holtz