Sunday Scribblings "Covert"

The prompt over at Sunday Scribblings is “covert.”

cov·ert adj
not intended to be known, seen, or found out
noun
1. a thicket or undergrowth in which game can shelter or hide
2. a shelter or hiding place
3. a small feather around the base of a quill on the wing or tail of a bird. Also called tectrix
4. a flock of coots

Mothers in Arms

I get home early from choir practice to discover my mother is a covert operative.
She’s mixed up is some ultra-radical homemaker’s reform faction, apparently a leader in the movement. Sheesh.
The kitchen table is spread thick with an orgy of evidence: pamphlets and leaflets, various household cleansers, powders and chemicals, parts of an old alarm clock, bits of wire and her wooden recipe box, her blue-ribbon-winning recipe for tater-tot hot dish sticking up from the shuffle.
I pick up a leaflet, which is inscribed with a quote by Che Guevara: “I don't care if I fall as long as someone else picks up my gun and keeps on shooting.”
The leaflet goes on to describe – in detail – how to make napalm out of gasoline and Styrofoam. On the back, there’s a 50-cent-off coupon for Styrofoam plates, as well as a recipe for “Dee’s Easy Goulash.”
I put the leaflet down, pick up a can of powdered cleanser, when my mother rounds the corner, puts a hand to her mouth, then smiles.
“Oh, you’re home early,” she says. “Dinner’s at 6. It’s your favorite, cheesy green chili enchilada casserole.”
She’s dressed in a black tunic, belted with a .45-caliber APC Kimber Ultra Tactical II sidearm, what looks like black pajama bottoms and a black beret with red embroidery, a flaming skull above a crossed mop and broom.
I open my mouth to protest, think better of it. She holds her ground, hands on her hips, her manicured right hand a little too close to the .45 for my comfort. Her red-painted lips part in a motherly smile.
“Go on, silly, get yourself a snack,” she says and she swats my backside with a handful of pamphlets. “I’ve make a lovely batch of double-fudge cupcakes, with whipped peanut butter icing.”
A delicate hand clamps down, painfully, on my shoulder and twists me to her with ease. She puts her other hand - in a loving embrace - under my chin and with a stern gaze says,
“Mind you, stay away from the ones packed in Tupperware. Those are for the church bazaar – and they’re loaded with lysergic acid diethylamide and ketamine hydrochloride. A little taste treat for the Bourgeoisie scum.”

23 comments:

quin browne said...

i laughed out loud on this one.

Large Marge said...

Bravo!

anthonynorth said...

Oh, this one is perfect. Mom's have politics too. Loved it.

Donna said...

I have often said that a leaflet with detailed instructions on how to make napalm out of gasoline and Styrofoam, isn't worth squat without a recipe for easy Goulash. Thank God there are other coverts who think like me!

(Fabulous piece!)

J.C. Montgomery said...

I love how your mind works.

It scares me sometmes, but I love it.

b said...

This is hilarious. I think the "big bad wolf" killed your mom and has come to live in her house! :-D

b

murat11 said...

This was a hoot. I think Dee's easy goulash and the cheesy green chili enchilada hot dish were the real explosives. Duck and cover...

Awareness said...

I love your sense of humour...and turn of a phrase. :)

Thank you for dropping by my blog and leaving me such a lovely comment.

I just checked your profile.....your music and movie preferences are as eclectic as mine. "Waitress in the Sky" is one of my fav. singing along tunes. It always makes me laugh.

Weronika said...

Definitely laughed out loud as well, and I do appreciate your sense of humor--you're fabulous!

Thanks for stopping by my own post. I hope to stop by again soon!

blisshappens said...

this is the second post I've stopped and gotten my 15 year old to come upstairs to read... the other one was the guy doing "battle" with his wife/girl recently. SO much fun! thanks! -Meg

AD said...

your mind is scary!!
lol it is a compliment!

i am glad i came down here to read this!
terrific prompt!
hope you had a good sunday!

irenet said...

This is funny wierd:). wildly imaginative

Jeeves said...

Well. Super. Nice nice read

The Queen said...

You were right....I ate this one up! Especially the tater-tot hot dish. LOVED IT! Someday, I know Sophia's going to come home and find me doing something just as freaky, like leading some wild underground rebellion to start making the city pick up our dead batteries for a proper disposal...and she'll just raise an eyebrow at me and walk away to do her calculus homework.

Shari said...

This is so clever. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for visiting my blog!
S

Tumblewords: said...

Still laughing - this is double clever and highly enjoyable -

gautami tripathy said...

Wild!

*grin*

SS: I dream in brown

Sepiru Chris said...

Thom,

When my wife is finished exams in a couple of weeks I am bringing her back here to read this.

Loved it, especially the placement of Dee's goulash, the little taste treat, and "I open my mouth to protest, think better of it".

Good stuff.

Tschuess,
Chris

Retromus-ik said...

LOL. I enjoyed this! You're quite the funny one!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I was afraid you'd devolve into a demon-hunting Mom, since those have been floating around for awhile now. But... nope. You rose above, most excellently. I'd love to know more about this mom! (and can I join her? Please???)

andy said...

Hi Thom, I'm running a bit late this week - but your story, really does it for me! Loved it from the outset and it just gets better all the way to the end.

Karen said...

Hilarious--I want to read more!

missalister said...

Brilliant as usual my man! Like JCM, I do so much love how your mind works.