Fiction in 58

The idea came to me in bed.
Write a piece of fiction in 58 words.
(It sounded good, really smooth: Fiction in 58.)

It's a lot harder than it sounds.
I thought about changing to Fiction in 78 or Fiction in 108.
Then I stripped everything down. Every word had to drive the story. And I had 58 of them.
What do you think?

The Lies of Lovers
Sunlight, diffused. A quilt spread in soft grass gone golden.
Two young lovers.
A blade of grass in his mouth.
She chews gum, spearmint.
“In the war, I did grisly things. Shot a family’s pigs, just to hear them squeal.”
“In Prague, I’m Lady Tatyana, Dominatrix. For serious cash, I dispense spankings, humiliation, torture.”
“I love you.”
“Ditto.”

Comments

TheRobRogers said…
There's clearly strength in word economy. You're little experiment works, I think. It's absolutely lush and descriptive.
Anonymous said…
Wow... good 'n tight. I bet that is a tough. I have often found that when you strip things down it forces you to take things to a new level of creativity. That happens for me a lot in music.

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