I know 'The Secret'
Pardon me for being one of the last six or so humans to hear about “The Secret.”
The new buzz.
The new thing.
“The Law of Attraction.”
Oprah’s new pet project, for chrissakes.
Wasn’t on my radar (I’ve been busy).
Until a friend asked me – after seriously bitching about a couple of circumstances I had found myself in – if I’d heard about it.
She even gave me a bootleg copy of “The Secret” DVD (which now of course means my dreams will never come true – or they’ll all come true, depending on how much you believe in the Laws of Attraction and how fussy Prime Time Productions LLC is about keeping “The Secret” a profitable endeavor).
I watched the DVD. Hell I even re-watched it Monday night.
Lost for centuries was this Law of Attraction (and the film also teases that The Man keeps “The Secret” hidden from the unwashed to help consolidate their own power).
The Law of Attraction states, “our feelings and thoughts attract real events in the world into our lives; from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional, and professional affairs, if you put it out there, you’ll reap the benefits.”
So if I want a hot, single 6-foot-tall New Zealand woman to show up on my doorstep (she’s athletic and toned - but has real, womanly curves, too - a smoking-hot backside, brunette, green or gray eyes, college-education and a self-made millionaire – if you’re going to dream, go big), all I have to do is put out to the universe these thoughts.
I do not call bullshit on it.
Not totally.
I do call bullshit on marketing it to legions of lazy, unhappy people who will grasp at any quick fix to help save their sad and sordid lives.
I believe in karma. I believe in the power of positive thought.
I have been witness to the power of both, as I have opened myself up to my own emotional and spiritual self over the past eight months.
And you can have both, without shelling out $29.95 for the DVD, $23.95 for the book, $29.95 for the audio book or $23.95 for the movie soundtrack.
(Here’s a tip: go down to the public library and check out Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking;” Peale published it in 1952 and it’s the same deal.)
I’m not condemning the message, just the messenger. Australian Rhonda Byrne is making scads of money on people’s collective unhappiness by wrapping a simple process up in ancient mysticism and repackaging it for a world who wants its power, wealth, fitness and happiness without actually having to work for it.
What really pissed me off about the DVD was that “food is not responsible for putting on weight. It is your thought that food is responsible for putting on weight that actually has food put on weight.”
Look, if you eat a dozen Krispy Creams every day for breakfast, I don’t care who you are – your ass is going to spread like Western Kansas.
To say food doesn’t make you fat is complete and utter bullshit.
I’m going to write a self-help book to help you deal with your own fat ass. In fact, I’ll write it right now:
“Eat healthy, eat less; exercise more.”
It’s so simple, yet the weight loss industry is still a $30 to $50 billion yearly enterprise in this country.
Fuck me.
The United States is Ground Zero for unhappiness. We’re also the most lazy complainers on the planet. We want it all, now, and if we don’t – it’s his fault or her fault or their fault (but never is it our fault).
I believe in “The Secret” in its base form. That you get what you think about; your thoughts (help) determine your destiny.
Do send out good vibes into the universe. You will begin to collect people and experiences that will help you enrich your daily life.
But don’t ask the universe to bestow material wealth upon you (not without some good, honest hard work).
It cheapens the whole karma thing.
The new buzz.
The new thing.
“The Law of Attraction.”
Oprah’s new pet project, for chrissakes.
Wasn’t on my radar (I’ve been busy).
Until a friend asked me – after seriously bitching about a couple of circumstances I had found myself in – if I’d heard about it.
She even gave me a bootleg copy of “The Secret” DVD (which now of course means my dreams will never come true – or they’ll all come true, depending on how much you believe in the Laws of Attraction and how fussy Prime Time Productions LLC is about keeping “The Secret” a profitable endeavor).
I watched the DVD. Hell I even re-watched it Monday night.
Lost for centuries was this Law of Attraction (and the film also teases that The Man keeps “The Secret” hidden from the unwashed to help consolidate their own power).
The Law of Attraction states, “our feelings and thoughts attract real events in the world into our lives; from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional, and professional affairs, if you put it out there, you’ll reap the benefits.”
So if I want a hot, single 6-foot-tall New Zealand woman to show up on my doorstep (she’s athletic and toned - but has real, womanly curves, too - a smoking-hot backside, brunette, green or gray eyes, college-education and a self-made millionaire – if you’re going to dream, go big), all I have to do is put out to the universe these thoughts.
I do not call bullshit on it.
Not totally.
I do call bullshit on marketing it to legions of lazy, unhappy people who will grasp at any quick fix to help save their sad and sordid lives.
I believe in karma. I believe in the power of positive thought.
I have been witness to the power of both, as I have opened myself up to my own emotional and spiritual self over the past eight months.
And you can have both, without shelling out $29.95 for the DVD, $23.95 for the book, $29.95 for the audio book or $23.95 for the movie soundtrack.
(Here’s a tip: go down to the public library and check out Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking;” Peale published it in 1952 and it’s the same deal.)
I’m not condemning the message, just the messenger. Australian Rhonda Byrne is making scads of money on people’s collective unhappiness by wrapping a simple process up in ancient mysticism and repackaging it for a world who wants its power, wealth, fitness and happiness without actually having to work for it.
What really pissed me off about the DVD was that “food is not responsible for putting on weight. It is your thought that food is responsible for putting on weight that actually has food put on weight.”
Look, if you eat a dozen Krispy Creams every day for breakfast, I don’t care who you are – your ass is going to spread like Western Kansas.
To say food doesn’t make you fat is complete and utter bullshit.
I’m going to write a self-help book to help you deal with your own fat ass. In fact, I’ll write it right now:
“Eat healthy, eat less; exercise more.”
It’s so simple, yet the weight loss industry is still a $30 to $50 billion yearly enterprise in this country.
Fuck me.
The United States is Ground Zero for unhappiness. We’re also the most lazy complainers on the planet. We want it all, now, and if we don’t – it’s his fault or her fault or their fault (but never is it our fault).
I believe in “The Secret” in its base form. That you get what you think about; your thoughts (help) determine your destiny.
Do send out good vibes into the universe. You will begin to collect people and experiences that will help you enrich your daily life.
But don’t ask the universe to bestow material wealth upon you (not without some good, honest hard work).
It cheapens the whole karma thing.
Comments
Mine will be called "The Seven Secret Habits of Highly Annoying and Nascisitic People."