Nebraska, my Nebraska!
Here’s what comedian Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Nebraska (and Nebraskans):
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Nebraska.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest or hottest spot in the nation, you might live in Nebraska.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Nebraska.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Nebraska.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Nebraska.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Nebraska.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Nebraska.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Nebraska.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Nebraska.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEBRASKAN WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once (and some who when back and picked it up; it’s legal here).
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend (or wife) knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter & DARN HOT!
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14. Down South to you means Kansas.
15. A brat is something you eat.
16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
17. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday and every Saturday (if the Huskers are playing or not).
18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your fireworks melted.
19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Nebraska friends.
All of the above is true, by the way.
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Nebraska.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest or hottest spot in the nation, you might live in Nebraska.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Nebraska.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Nebraska.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Nebraska.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Nebraska.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Nebraska.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Nebraska.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Nebraska.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEBRASKAN WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once (and some who when back and picked it up; it’s legal here).
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend (or wife) knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter & DARN HOT!
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14. Down South to you means Kansas.
15. A brat is something you eat.
16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
17. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday and every Saturday (if the Huskers are playing or not).
18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your fireworks melted.
19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Nebraska friends.
All of the above is true, by the way.
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