Oodles of sperm, all for a low-low introductory price
Normally, I don’t get much spam at the ol’ personal email box. But when mail arrives with a subject header that reads, “With Spermamax you will have more sperm than there is water in the ocean” you stand up and take notice.
You open it up.
And you read.
Because, I think we can all agree, more sperm than there is water in the ocean is a whole helluva lot of sperm.
I looked it up; there is – at any given time – 326 trillion gallons of water on Earth.
And if you were to take Spermamax like the spam indicates, you’d reasonably end up with 326 trillion gallons of sperm in your nuts.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I’m quite sure that most men do not have that kind of storage capacity in their testis. Nope, not even if men were able to ejaculate once a minute, for like five billion years, would we have any chance at producing that much sperm (yes I looked this up too; men can ejaculate between 2 and 15 milliliters, or between a teaspoon and tablespoon, at a time. Oh, and it contains like 2 calories per ejaculate, just in case you wanted to now that).
The email goes on to say that:
“Spermamax improves 0verall $perm production.”
“Spermam@x improves your sperm integrity (we need our sperm to be honest?)”
“Problems with fertility function? Before adopting a child, think of taking Spermamax.”
I wanted to call bullshit. I wanted to lodge a complain about false claims and fraudulent advertising.
Alas, the link went nowhere. Now I’ll never know if taking Spermamax would give me all the sperm of the world’s oceans.
You open it up.
And you read.
Because, I think we can all agree, more sperm than there is water in the ocean is a whole helluva lot of sperm.
I looked it up; there is – at any given time – 326 trillion gallons of water on Earth.
And if you were to take Spermamax like the spam indicates, you’d reasonably end up with 326 trillion gallons of sperm in your nuts.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I’m quite sure that most men do not have that kind of storage capacity in their testis. Nope, not even if men were able to ejaculate once a minute, for like five billion years, would we have any chance at producing that much sperm (yes I looked this up too; men can ejaculate between 2 and 15 milliliters, or between a teaspoon and tablespoon, at a time. Oh, and it contains like 2 calories per ejaculate, just in case you wanted to now that).
The email goes on to say that:
“Spermamax improves 0verall $perm production.”
“Spermam@x improves your sperm integrity (we need our sperm to be honest?)”
“Problems with fertility function? Before adopting a child, think of taking Spermamax.”
I wanted to call bullshit. I wanted to lodge a complain about false claims and fraudulent advertising.
Alas, the link went nowhere. Now I’ll never know if taking Spermamax would give me all the sperm of the world’s oceans.
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