Everybody farts
The kids ratted me out to the wife.
“You know, Thom farts around the house all the time,” my son said.
“Yeah, all the time,” my daughter said. “He’ll be cooking dinner and just lets one go.”
Everyone farts. The average is 10 times a day (if you’re pooting more than 22 times a day, says noted fart researcher Dr. Michael D. Levitt, you need to start watching what you eat, how fast you eat it and how much air you’re gulping down when you eat or drink).
The average man fart, Leavitt says, is made up of about 110 milliliters of gas (like half a cup); the average woman fart is a bit more dainty, with some 80 milliliters of gas (like a third of a cup).
But take that times 10 and, well, I’m producing something like 38 ounces of fart gas a day.
I do not fart in front of my wife. I never have.
“And you won’t?” she asked.
Never (unless there's the casual accident from time to time).
“Why not?”
“It’s something I didn’t do when we were dating, and I won’t do it now when we’re married.”
I can do a lot of things in front of my wife; I just can’t fart.
I save them up.
“I hear you sometimes in the morning, walking down the hallway, pffff, pllffft, pfffit,” she said, laughing.
Yes, you can save farts up. I had a college roommate who used to come back from studying with his girlfriend(s) and just let loose. Loud farts that had to pack more than the average 110 milliliters of gas.
“Sorry, sorry,” he’d say. “Sorry, I’m ohh, sorry about that one.”
Everyone farts. And men – in our disgusting togetherness – don’t mind farting in like company.
My wife can’t seem to understand that men can be standing at a public urinal and just cut one. Sometimes, you’ll even get a compliment (Nice one, what’da eat, beans?”)
“You fart in front of other guys?” she says. “Like, a lot?”
“Yeah. Seems like a pretty normal function of life.”
And no, I don’t go around farting in the house all day long.
But when my wife isn’t around, I do let a few loose.
I think the ability to poot a few times in front of the kids goes to show how comfortable I have become around them; I’m sure – if you asked them – they might wish I wasn’t so at ease.
“You know, Thom farts around the house all the time,” my son said.
“Yeah, all the time,” my daughter said. “He’ll be cooking dinner and just lets one go.”
Everyone farts. The average is 10 times a day (if you’re pooting more than 22 times a day, says noted fart researcher Dr. Michael D. Levitt, you need to start watching what you eat, how fast you eat it and how much air you’re gulping down when you eat or drink).
The average man fart, Leavitt says, is made up of about 110 milliliters of gas (like half a cup); the average woman fart is a bit more dainty, with some 80 milliliters of gas (like a third of a cup).
But take that times 10 and, well, I’m producing something like 38 ounces of fart gas a day.
I do not fart in front of my wife. I never have.
“And you won’t?” she asked.
Never (unless there's the casual accident from time to time).
“Why not?”
“It’s something I didn’t do when we were dating, and I won’t do it now when we’re married.”
I can do a lot of things in front of my wife; I just can’t fart.
I save them up.
“I hear you sometimes in the morning, walking down the hallway, pffff, pllffft, pfffit,” she said, laughing.
Yes, you can save farts up. I had a college roommate who used to come back from studying with his girlfriend(s) and just let loose. Loud farts that had to pack more than the average 110 milliliters of gas.
“Sorry, sorry,” he’d say. “Sorry, I’m ohh, sorry about that one.”
Everyone farts. And men – in our disgusting togetherness – don’t mind farting in like company.
My wife can’t seem to understand that men can be standing at a public urinal and just cut one. Sometimes, you’ll even get a compliment (Nice one, what’da eat, beans?”)
“You fart in front of other guys?” she says. “Like, a lot?”
“Yeah. Seems like a pretty normal function of life.”
And no, I don’t go around farting in the house all day long.
But when my wife isn’t around, I do let a few loose.
I think the ability to poot a few times in front of the kids goes to show how comfortable I have become around them; I’m sure – if you asked them – they might wish I wasn’t so at ease.
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