It’s Just My Hue
So people
ask me, they say, “Andy, what did you do it? What’s the point?”
I mean, I
wish I could tell you I did it for some worthy cause. Maybe pancreatic cancer
awareness, or to protest the kidnap and rape of little girls in Nigeria.
I didn’t.
Truth is,
I chose to go Black-and-White for strictly selfish reasons: I no
longer have to match my socks to my shoes, or my ties with my dress shirts.
Think
about it – no more worry, no more fuss. You just get up, pull together and
outfit and everything – I mean everything – matches.
My boyfriend
is still pretty miffed about it. I mean, he does fashion merchandising for a reputable mid-town department store, but
he’s just going to have to get over it. And I keep telling him, I keep saying,
“Nic, this is your big chance. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has merchandised to
the Black-and-White before. It’s all new territory, babe.”
OK,
technically I’m not Black-and-White. If you must know, I went Monochrome. I am,
to quote the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “a painting, drawing, or photograph in
a single hue.”
Except
that, yeah, I’m a human being. In shades of gray.
People
also ask me, they say, “Andy, what do you do about the stares you get on the
subway? What about work?”
Good
questions, really. At first, it didn’t bother me at all. The finger-pointing,
the looks, the whispers. I took it all in stride. But yeah, it got to be like,
whatever, people. I just popped in my ear buds and turned up the music. Slid on
my shades.
Work,
well, same thing, really. A slow burn I guess you’d call it.
I mean,
technically there’s a no-discrimination policy at the firm, but the partners
did their best to pressure me back into Colorization. I stood firm. I did. Told
them I appreciated their concern when they brought up that a client might not
want to be seen by a Monochrome, but I was quick to point out that it was a
personal choice (albeit for my own personal vanity) and it was my choice.
Please respect my wishes.
The day I
got my paycheck and it was light – and I mean light by a few hundred bucks –
was the day I knew my choice to be Monochrome meant more than not having to
match my socks to my shoes. That it was so much more than that.
I went to
payroll and asked what the heck was wrong and they said that there had been so
much uproar with the clients for my being Monochrome that it was decided to
dock my pay by using some sort of bullshit moral turpitude clause in the
employee handbook. OK, I said, no worries, I get it. I get that fact that a
Monochromatic man can’t make the same as Coloreds.
So, yeah,
with the help of Derrek in legal, we’re going to test the firm’s new-found bullshit
policy on the Monochromatic.
So much for my narcissism, bitches.
6 comments:
quite an interesting piece and take on discrimination.
It is an ancient fear of difference, something like a rower not in rhythm with the others, it is bad for the tribe. Sadly as color becomes less of a concern we find the ancient fear of other gods coming to the fore again.
If Andy Warhol were alive with his shocking white wig and atlas skin..i could imagine him riding the tube to work (on a good day when he could leave the house) and this scene playing out..colour is all and nothing..maybe..
It's a choice, really! Prompted by convenience to oneself is a good bargain! Do whatever one thinks right! Great write Thomg!
Hank
nice satire this. Funny in the UK at the moment there's a TV for a brand of paint that posits a monochromatic world & it's only through two heroic people daring to wear colours that the world bursts into colour!
CHILDREN OF GOD? BY STEVE FINNELL
Does the term"Children of God" include all mankind, regardless of religious belief? Is universal salvation a factual concept? God loves everyone, however, there are requirements and conditions to be accepted as "Children of God."
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